Coming Out is An Excuse Part 2

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Coming Out is an Excuse for Very Bad Behavior":

Coming out is what allowed me to begin healing and come back into the church and gain a stronger testimony than I ever had before.

No, I don't have sex with men. I awknowledge the feelings I have and I am open and honest obout how I feel. The idea that I should hide this part of me is unbelievably damning.

Only by stepping into the light with this have I been able to find peace and healing.

Your rhetoric here is incredibly hurtful. Trying to to cry here at work while I read this.


Dear Anon,

First of all, thank you for reading our blog and sharing your feelings. But we wonder why you read it if it hurts you and makes you want to cry. No one is forcing you to read a single word of this little-known blog. But you do. That right there shows some doubt and trouble in your life. Perhaps deep down you aren't quite as sure of your choices as you boast. Also, the truth does hurt. Christ said he came to bring a sword. He's a spiritual heart surgeon, not a massage therapist. So keep reading. If it hurts, it might be because you know it's true.

Second, bless your heart, what are you "healing" from? We certainly hope it's not some horrific abuse of any kind. You see, we care about you. Did people label you falsely and unkindly? Did you make the mistake of believing them? Were your thoughts and actions conflicting with what you had been taught? Were some secret things you had been preoccupied with weighing on you? You should do some digging to find out why these things were so hurtful as to now feel they must be healed.

Furthermore, how does "coming out," as in unrepentantly announcing you are permanently "gay," heal anything? It is an excuse, not just for lust and bad behavior but for ignoring or mischaracterizing things that occurred in the past. Did you think coming out as gay would erase your past problems? Did you think coming out would excuse these lusts you're entertaining? Well, it won't do anything of the kind. Coming out only masks worse problems and enables you further on this rebellious and destructive path. It keeps you from having to examine very real events and problems. For your info, people having surgical, hormonal sex "changes" are being found to be even more miserable and messed up than they were before, and four times more likely to commit suicide than the general population. In the not very long run, claiming these endless new sex "identities"  only makes things worse."With encouragement and recognition comes escalation" (CSI Cyber, 2015).

 And what exactly does church mean to you? Human relations? Meetings? Programs? Service? Family?  Because that's not what church is primarily for. It's to discuss the welfare of our immortal souls. It's to teach us of God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost and their great demands on us. It's to remind us we are sinners and need to repent. It's to increase our faith that Christ is the only means whereby we can be saved. So what exactly is your testimony about? An earthly institution? Some motions to go through? Being popular? Feeling good about yourself? Habits? Culture?

Third, let's think about what coming out really does. It lets people know you are the equivalent of what is now thought of as "gay," meaning attracted sexually to your own sex. So why do people need to know this? Especially if you are not going to act out, who cares? Is it pity you want? Is it attention? If so, you should wonder why. Normal healthy humble people don't crave pity or special attention from others. What's more, most people don't go sharing their inmost private feelings with the world, especially their sexual feelings, which sexual feelings come and go and aren't all that important in the daily scheme of things. In other words, most people aren't preoccupied with their sexual feelings. They school their sexual feelings and thoughts to keep them within the boundaries God has set. They don't identify themselves to the world by their particular sexual feelings at the time. Why do you feel compelled to tell the world about your particular out-of-bounds sexual feelings?  Any single straight person, or anybody, could do the same. Look at me, I'm single and I'm attracted to the opposite sex! That's who I am! It's my identity! Oh, I'm so relieved now that I've told everyone about my sexuality! See how silly that is? All it sounds like is an excuse to be lewd and objectify people. If the world weren't so completely oversexed and gay-friendly, wouldn't you think that coming out publicly in this sexual way was very strange behavior? It certainly would have been thought strange, especially among church-goers, ten, even five, years ago.

And if people don't think gay means homosexual lust and sex, they are deceiving themselves. 

We think, in spite of the whitewashing homosexualism gets today, many supposed gay people soon learn what they are really involved in and coming out may often be a cry for help. Deep down. Unless the person's conscience has been seared. Otherwise coming out without the behaviors makes no sense. It's like a person doing everything it takes to be a doctor and coming out as a doctor, but never intending to practice anything he has learned. Or a dancer. Or an alcoholic. Whatever. Anyone who claims some particular identity that involves certain behaviors to make it real, has, or intends to, make it real. Do you see how there is no reason to call yourself gay if you don't act that way? But of course you have acted out to some degree, if only in your mind, and now by coming out. It's a meaningless label unless you are preoccupied with same-sex sex. And why does anybody need to know that, unless you want gay sexual associations and everyone to go along. Or again, it could be that deep down you'd like some help ridding yourself of this addiction . . . but you're not saying that.

If people thought it through they'd see that coming out is just a way to tell people you have unnatural lusts and everybody has to know that and treat you, what, differently?  In what way? Accept your gayness, without caring about the very real risks and dangers? Praise you for your sexual lusts? Comfort you because you are "celibate?" (Lots of people are or should be celibate: young people, single people, widows and widowers, in fact everyone except married adult people, and we don't hear them being lauded.) Are people supposed to not ask you if you're dating or married? You can't answer that question like everyone else can? You can't say, "No, I'm not married," without some sort of break-down or explanation or justification? Why not? It's quite pathetic and we are very sorry you are troubled with such intense overwhelming self-consciousness and sexual feelings and thoughts. But the truth is, you are not the center of the world and you can change those thoughts and feelings. People change their thoughts and feelings every day, sexual thoughts and feelings included.There are people who can help. There is the gospel that can change our wishes and inclinations and desires and make us new creatures in Christ.

Fourth, you say you do not have sex with other men. How do you define sex? Is porn, internet chatting, and phone sex involved?  How about flirting, sex talk, holding hands, making out? Is  masturbation part of your life?  Or mutual masturbation? Do you mean presently? Or not yet? We hope you don't ever, or don't anymore. Please note the long list on our previous post of common gay behaviors. You only denied one of those---in the present tense. And you didn't deny all the rest. All are dangerous to your health and welfare. It's a dark world entirely. A dark lifestyle. See our past post, Gay, Naughty or Nice.

You see, we know you have a history in homosexualism, and you have not denied it. People just don't get to where you are and go to the trouble of coming out and insist they have found "healing" and "peace" unless they have some erotic homosexual experiences they wish to explain or excuse or vindicate, as per that long list we posted, and more. Where in the scriptures, of which you seem to say you have a stronger testimony, is it written that we will find healing and peace by embracing and broadcasting our lusts?

Again, thanks for reading. We hope and pray you will rethink your choices and perceptions. Perhaps what you are experiencing is a relief from your efforts at secrecy and a searing of your conscience, that's all. In our sexually permissive society today it is easy and acceptable to rationalize sin. And secrecy is exhausting, so we see how you are finding a bit of general temporary relief there. We all know that coming out is to be encouraged and accepted today, even in churches and among churchy people, no questions asked. So there may be some temporary comfort and validation there, too, along with some congratulations and all the "love"toward gays that's being so greatly effused. But chances are you still have some big secrets and conflicts. You know it and God knows  it. Let's not forget that conscience is a good thing; it's another name for the Holy Ghost. The only shame is in having no shame, wrote Pascal.

Even though you have been on a strange road, we think there is great hope for you. You are not stuck in this. You can get to the roots of your problems. You can confess your human sinfulness to the Lord and to any carefully selected person or persons who can truly help you. Christ offers repentance and the mighty change of heart---if we desire it. He offers to wash us clean of our sins. The Lord's solutions work. We are great sinners but he is a great Savior. That's the healing and peace Christ talked about. 

All the best to you and may the Lord bless you in righteousness.