Guess What's Coming to Dinner: How to deal with homosexuality in the family

There are lots of ways to be wicked, but the culture of wholesale wickedness that caused the Lord to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah---a society that was so far gone that ten righteous could not be scraped up to save it, that Lot and his family nevertheless lived alongside---is a national reality today from coast to coast. We're thinking some people may need some specific tactics to keep from meeting Lot's wife's fate. The following suggestions are going to take strength of character, courage of conviction, transcendent love of God, an eternal perspective. And well, it may be the hardest thing you've ever had to do.

Say a cherished adult family member has gone so far as to come out as gay. (We are not referring here to people privately and actively working to conquer unwanted homosexual thoughts, feelings, and tendencies.) Whether or not he has left the church, this family member is obviously acting out, is totally unrepentant, is very public about his lifestyle, hangs out with sexual revolutionaries and has become one himself, and is shouting to the world in every way possible, like a rebellious adolescent, that he is having a gay old time. Say this family member has boldly attended extended family gatherings with children present, bringing uninvited homosexualist friends and/or homosexual sex partners, displaying an alien personality, flaunting his new sexuality. Or maybe this hasn't happened yet but you are certain it could. Now say you are hosting a big family gathering, a traditional holiday party, a reunion, a picnic, or just a dinner. It's your house, your event, your family. Sure you want everyone to come, and you especially want any at-risk or wayward members to feel loved and a sense of belonging to the family. But should you allow homosexuality to attend your party as if it is normal and wholesome, as if it is a perfectly safe and righteous alternative to the heterosexual model? Should you be complicit in enabling and spreading homosexualism among your own family, especially to young and impressionable and perhaps particularly vulnerable children?

Yes, this is what inclusion of homosexualism does. Acting as if nothing is wrong in these situations in any social situation is tacit approval. And gays know it. For all sorts of reasons, unconscious or purposeful, they seek approval and validation, not for they themselves (they have that already as a member of the family) but for what they are doing: for homosex. Not unlike all of us at times, these are people with great inner conflicts, with guilt, with narcissistic, unrealistic fantasies and desires---that have gone shamelessly public and proud. Yes, deep down these are often very neurotic, needy, damaged, prideful, rebellious, past feeling, and/or confused people. And misery loves company.  All these are reasons why,  ironically, in between their rated X fantasies and behaviors, they make sure to come to rated G family gatherings.

Here's what we suggest for the ultimate good of all. Heads of families, or whoever is in charge of a family gathering should make rules that reflect the principle that the person is always welcome but the homosexuality is not. This should be communicated in a clear, calm, and measured manner, come what may. The truth is, family members should not have to anticipate being met with sexually perverse and immoral identities or behaviors when attending a family gathering. People should not be coerced  into such situations. Even more important, people have the right to protect their children from being exposed to cross-dressing, gender nonconformity, and all manner of homosexualism. (Please note the little known fact that the percentage of homosexual child abuse is more than 20 times greater than heterosexual child abuse.) Pro-gay ideology has most certainly infiltrated our media, our schools, our government, our streets, even our churches, but it need not crash our family gatherings.

Here are some specific rules for family gatherings for the unrepentant, gay, family-interested family member:

If the gay family member is highly public about his gay-affirming lifestyle, such as on Facebook, so that it is common knowledge among the family, they should be told that because of this they are not invited to family gatherings. This is because it is unfair and harmful to cause other family members to have to expose themselves or their children in a supposedly safe and wholesome family setting to someone they know is proudly and publicly sinning, as if this behavior is normal and good. If they are not proud and public about their lifestyle they will be invited. People are invited; homosexuality isn't.

At an actual extended family gathering, no sex activists, homosexualist friends, or homosex partners allowed. No cross-dressing allowed. No sex jokes or homosexual stereotyping allowed. No sex talk allowed. No homosexual innuendo allowed. No gay showing off, affectations, or playacting allowed in any degree. No special attention to children or young persons allowed. If these rules are not complied with, the person will be asked to leave. If they do not leave, the entire gathering will immediately be terminated. Family members will have to do their visiting in smaller, private groups and settings for the time being..

Even if the family member is legally "married," their homosexual partner must not be allowed to attend family gatherings. This sounds bad but it's the only right thing to do. Gay marriage is another name for homosexuality, that is, same-sex sexual behavior. This behavior is pornographic, harmful, maladaptive, and sinful, whether done under the cloak of  so-called monogamous so-called marriage or not. It does not deserve familiarity and respect. When you treat gay couples as equal to heterosexual couples, you are legitimizing this behavior and setting it up as a model to follow. Would you invite your loved one's drug dealer or pimp to dinner? The modern legitimization of gay marriage does not make it right.

This next rule makes us weep: If the gay family member has acquired a child or children in his or her care, they of course must be included in family gatherings, but the gay parent must be informed that the child has to obey these same rules and will be purposely taught truth, righteousness, and the heterosexual model at these gatherings.

These are our suggested rules. You may have others. And yes, we know they seem harsh. We know it's a sacrifice. It's a disappointment. It's difficult. It's sensitive. It would be much easier to ignore the whole thing or to include the gay family member hoping your influence will win out instead of his. But God does not look upon sin with the least degree of allowance and we mustn't either, our own or others'. It's harsh but it's reality and it's necessary. That is, unless you want to encourage your gay family member in sin, condemn them to destruction, and add more gays and homosexualists to the already dwindling family tree. That is, unless you want your family dinner to be in essence a ripe mini-Sodom. If you don't make and enforce these rules, chances are the gay family member may in effect take over.  Or it may be that no matter what you do the gay family member might not be able to keep this effusive interest in family up for long, especially if he isn't making fast enough headway. They are living a highly sensational and addictive sex-based lifestyle that needs constant and increasingly stimulating fuel. Family life is too tame; they'll get bored and perhaps move to more gay-friendly environs. Sad, but it happens.

There's a strange thing happening in Mormon culture,and maybe in some others as well. Our sons and daughters are joining the sexual revolution, at the same time wishing to be active and popular in our families, church culture, and congregations. Proud gays, recruited, conditioned, and transformed, make themselves special favorites of young nieces and nephews, elderly grandparents and, increasingly, easily-persuaded peers, parents, church members and leaders. Simultaneously they immerse themselves in unlimited and perverse gender nonconformity and sexual immorality.  They set out to have their cake and eat it too. And because of the great emphasis put on family and church culture, their families are siding with them instead of with God. It appears that more often than not we'd rather flamboyant homosexuality took that empty chair than the Lord himself.